It was supposed to be about skis. Then, about grit itself. Then, I thought it will a good idea to write about the stages one may have once grieving (yes, what we’re going through globally now can be seen as this exactly). Then, again, I went back to the idea of skis…Ideas are plenty in my head, too plenty at times to be honest. It becomes even more complicated when I try to see them in perspective, in context. Of my future readers, of my current situation, of my family’s needs that seem to be sooo overwhelming these days. 

And then, it figured… the ever present word that I seem to dream about now is… WEBINAR. Webinar as an answer to all the work problems. A webinar to let our clients stay in touch and not forget… a webinar to keep myself busy, a webinar to do a webinar… after all, let’s move on with the digital.

In the times of insecurity pushed to the limits, a webinar became an answer to everything. Yes, we can do Judo classes for your son online. Yes, you can learn totally new things just by looking at our instructors… Yes, of course there were things you’ve always wanted to acquire! Now’s the time!

Or, maybe not!?” Whatever you were doing – just carry on” is the other option. Like the English during World War II – just keep calm and carry on.  Routine will help – stick to your routine. Don’t let others destroy it. But remember, be kind – to yourself, to them, help out, support, find time. You’ve plenty of time now, right?

So, which free webinar do you want? The one to help you stay sane? Or the one to support your online work? Or maybe yoga? Or, none as you should helping your kids out instead with their homeschooling…

I lost it. Last week I did. It was Thursday afternoon. I was so proud – we got ready the week before. We planned it all. Got the shopping in time for seven days of feeding five people. We rescheduled, prepared for kids’ classes to be taken online, meetings and tutorials too. All was there. And indeed it was a success! That first week went smoothly, with no bigger issues, no major frustration or quarrels over lost connection during social science classes or unstable skype conversation with one of the Clients…We did it I thought! We got a grip, we know how to handle this thing called the lockdown. 

My ordered new skiing set came. I decided to go big there….Atomic Redster s9, Atomic Redster club sport 130 boots… Again, I thought – yes, my anchor or metaphor if you prefer of endurance and grit is here, nothing can go wrong now! It was a bit of a hustle though, the primary point of collection of the parcel was closed, the DPD courier did a lot to help me out. I was even more grateful – „woow, people are so nice, so graceful in this huge mess.

But still, I lost it. My poise I mean. Out of the blue, as if on some idle Tuesday afternoon. With no warning.  I am currently working on a grit program, reading about it, doing my research, getting to know growth mindset even better. Still, didn’t protect me from the blues. That’s what I was thinking that Thursday afternoon already spiraling into the depths of doubt. Self-doubt mostly. 

And then, Friday came. We had a meeting scheduled with my dear friend to discuss… a webinar. What else. The plan is to come up with something that allows us both to share with you the knowledge and expertise we both have  – partly overlapping and partly not at all. These were one of the most demanding two hours that previous week. I believe in this project with all my heart! But that time, my heart was filled with fear. Fear I haven’t addressed being too busy planning, executing, and bragging about it. 

The webinar became a symbol – a symbol of my fears for my work. We all share that I suppose. Will I have any work? Will we be able to hold certain trainings online? OR will webinars – literally seminars online take over? How will such webinars change the training market? How to restructure my coaching sessions when done online? Will I have any? I’m sure you know such lists can go on and on – we all have them at times. 

And then, the webinar became a symbol of not doing enough. Maybe I should write more? Maybe I should be more active, maybe… My fear always drags me to the perfectionist in me. I hate it. The perfect Ewa is a lethal weapon. Do you know this state when a small thing triggers a huge reaction? It happens when certain feelings were held hidden for too long, consciously or subconsciously. 

Well, my webinar meeting became a trigger. The mess on the weekend was…well, messy. Let’s leave it at that. Those honest with themselves, know how it looks like. The messy mess of unexpected but needed burst of feelings usually is nothing even close to pleasant. But here comes the growth mindset and grit again. I learnt the hard way that grit and your mindset will never be that visible in the times of calm and quiet. It’s the moments during AND when coming back to life after a fight, breakdown, panic attack, you name it, that the mindset you have will or will not support you in regaining the balance with lessons learnt.  This part is crucial to me – with lessons learnt! Not just „to forget” but to grow, still, even in the hardest moments. Or maybe especially then! 

Is that a new part of life for me? No, not at all. But what is new and a lesson learnt to me here is the fact that learning means repeating, reminding, and redoing the whole thing again…sounds ridiculous? Possibly. Sounds obvious? Probably even more. But apparently in my case, I haven’t learnt that lesson yet. The overwhelming presence of COVID-19 made a difference. 

So, my new mantra is…”I’m an ongoing process…”

Are you?

Michal, thank you – wouldn’t have done it without you. 

Annie, I am sure we will celebrate your wedding when the time is right!

To all of you, stay home, stay safe! Have a webinar. Or not!

IT IS ALWAYS UP TO YOU!